![]() Twenty some years ago Adult Separation Anxiety Disorder (ASAD) did not exist, at least as far as the psychiatric community was concerned. It was considered a child disorder til the 90’s when they finally shown that adults can have it too and many do have it. Can’t work, can t do anything, just crying for days. I’m very independent but saying good bye kills me for days. I’ve been travelling for pleasure and for work most of my life. Have you thought of Separation Disorder? I have the same thing. Maybe we’ll cross paths somewhere one day :o) Reply I hope they will!Īll the best with your life adventures. I’m waiting for the solo endorphins to kick in. I have beautiful friends all around who welcome me with open arms, accepting my wild style & inability to plan.Īnd then there’s the other side of me that loves romance, contact, intimacy, friendship…But I am the perfect self-sabotager whenever anything special comes too close so it’s generally just a fleeting moment, month or year before I crush it! I feel free as a bird, have amazing adventures that pop up out of nowhere and have time to meet and talk to all the world’s people. I wander the world, and have ecstatically happy moments. Then when they leave, I’m not sure I really wanted them to go! When I’m with other people I feel like I have no time to think. I feel crazy when I’m with other people and cant wait for them to leave me alone. How do you deal with good-byes? Please share in the comments. After about an hour of sorrow, I push it back, wipe my eyes, quiet my mind, and push it to the back again until the next goodbye. Whatever the reason, it always makes me reflect and maybe that’s simply what my heart and mind is looking for. Maybe deep down I’m lonely and I’m dying to find someone I can spend my life and experiences with. Maybe I feel vulnerable and exposed being on my own again. Maybe I miss the security of having someone around me. ![]() Leaving and change are emotional no matter who you are. I’m simply in the moment, deeply feeling the emotions of the moment. Maybe I’m just feeling the sting of living in the present. So maybe I’m simply sad about being back on my own and having to adjust to doing everything on my own again. I know just how hard it is to be on my own it’s hard work to do everything for yourself, no one to lean on or draw good vibes from. Is the next chapter going to be the last? Even though I live in a constant state of flex and uncertainty, I must be terrified to start the next chapter. A definitive moment that I will recall one day in my old age “remember that time when Evie came to New York City when she was 15 years old… “. Every time I travel with someone or stay with someone I consider it another chapter in my life. It must be something to do with ending chapters in my life. Why do I suck at goodbye? Why does being alone again make me so deeply sad and emotional even though I long for that solo life most days? I even remember a distinct time this last year being excited for someone to leave and be on my own again, yet when they walked out the door I collapsed in tears. But that doesn’t explain tears and the deep rooted sorrow I feel.Įvie and I in Hoboken waiting in line at Carlos BakeryĮven though the tears seem to happen most often with family (even if they are driving me crazy and I am ready to leave), they also happen with friends, lovers, and new acquaintances. She was a fabulous, mature travel companion who made me laugh and I was oozing pride that she was so bright, funny, and strong. ![]() But I’ve grown attached to her for the last 11 days. How can I drive a car to Mongolia, live solo in Vietnam, circle the globe multiple times yet I can’t say goodbye to my niece at the airport without crying. Yet the act of saying goodbye to anyone who I’ve been surrounded by for a while makes my throat tighten, my heart ache, my lips purse, and my eyes sting with tears. I get stressed out when I have to be with others for too long and I don’t get my alone time. I’m not lying when I say I love being on my own, having an independent life and doing what I want to do whenever I want. I’ve been single and living on my own far away from family for my whole adult life. Not just a solo traveler – but a solo person. I’m an adventurous, independent, solo traveler. My life is all about goodbyes and constant change. I have no explanation for how terrible I am at goodbyes. At least that’s what I try to tell myself every time I find the tears welling up and streaming down my face as I say goodbye to someone. Crying is not a weakness, nor does it mean I’m unhappy.
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